True Joy Is Mine...

Today... I will rehash one of my first few poems... Something that I have recently forgotten and obtained...
I wrote the following poem truly seeking joy and believing and having faith that it was there for me to grasp... Well I forgot and left out what I spoke abt is my most recent post 'True Joy'... Now again I will take both these poems in tandem and hold them close to my heart... And I believe I shall be able to find that joy that I so lack...  Not that which others derive from the world but that joy that I shall derive from Jesus and Jesus alone...

I have come to realise that these two poems are a pair... One cannot do without the other... Thank you Lord for letting me come one full circle in my search for joy and peace... And now shall the peace/joy You give be reflected through my life in my love and gentleness... I thank you... For this 6 month journey and a return to the routes... As I was preaching in India you gave me some revelation in accordance to exactly what You placing in my heart. Oh Lord, you work in wonderful ways... May I never take any of what you have taught me in these poems as seperate but always remember them together. And Lord, may You fill me, sufficiently to last my race here on earth as I live in the shadow of Your wings...

I thank You Lord...
In Christ's most blessed name, I joyously place my arms into His, and I offer up a prayer not of words but of heart,
Amen...
*SIGH*

JOY
I have sought joy from the beginning when I was just born,
I made it my life commitment to make its wonders shown.
I let the world lead me in what was to be a fruitless search,
And when I reached what I though was joy, it left me in the lurch.
For in my desire I had turned blind,
Joy in little things I could not find.
And then my Lord opened my heart's eye,
That joy be with me till I die.

Oh joy, oh Lord for the sounds that pervade my ear,
That I may hear nature ring and to my eyes bring a tear.
Oh joy for tears that the pain ion me brings,
For you use that to mould me and for that I will sing.
Oh joy to the heavens for unfulfilled love,
Its a reminder that only you can fill me and that you shall I serve.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for my body broken and weak,
It makes me remember that for you must I seek.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for disappointments on earth,
For it just magnifies how much you are worth.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for betrayals of trust,
So that for this world, may I not lust.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for people better than I,
It reminds me that I am weak and for me you had to die...

True Joy

I close my eyes and see my Lord,
He beckons me to enter his court.
In reverence I approach and kneel before his throne,
Knowing that my life I have given is no longer my own.

Many try to spoil this moment, with words and emotion,
Trying to stir within their hearts for God a commotion.
Some spend all their time petitioning for their heart's desires,
Many even deceive coming before God as liars.

But I would place my hands into hands that truly, truly served,
Not saying a word, but just knowing that He loved.
Sometimes I would speak, and place my request,
But mostly I would sit and just in his arms rest.

This art so few know, if the world would just try,
Strivings would cease, and this world would just learn to sigh.
For this time so wondrous is with my Lord face to face,
Do not try to spoil it, not with words or with haste.

This is where I get, the one greatest joy,
Even if satan try his means he cannot foil.
And this act  performed in times foul or fair,
This is the one great joy simply called prayer.

Lord, may my prayer be all that you mean it to be...
That I learn to stop placing my requests within your arms but just to sit in quiet meditation of your word and your love...

That I may be as Sadhu Sunda Singh... That all I may do is place my arms into yours and when someone comes to call me away I will have to wrench myself away from that moment.

I jusy desire to kneel before you in reverence for hours and hours, not caring for anything in this world but just revelling in your peace... Help me Lord...

Keep the evil ones away from such sacred moments and grant my mind a sanctuary that it may not concern itself with the world... May I not pray with words but rather with my heart and soul... That prayer is not just this concept of prayer that the world have but it truly be communion with you, the Lord of all Lords and the Host of all Hosts... Thank you Lord... I give you my all...

In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen.

 

Vision

From young I have placed my eyes 'pon such a lofty goal,
To strive for fame and fortune, t'was that I would sell my soul.
My eyes placed firmly upon this wondrous world,
That its riches untold, would set my heart a swirl.

But yet there was an end that my eyes could also see,
A death that I feared, was there no purpose for me?
Till that place of eternal rest was all that consumed my eye,
For if life be so meaningless, then why does man still try?

On the end had I placed my vision, and t'is not a welcome sight,
Of uncertainties unforetold and a sleep darker than night.
But through the fog that bore down 'pon my path,
Suddenly. two endings could I see, paradise, or God's wrath.

So now all I can see, is that cross a beckoning,
Till that place of joy unforetold, of laughing and singing.
So now this world no longer hold me sway,
For my vision be that of on that glorious day.

So my heart with joy will run this lonesome race,
Till my goal be reached and I see that wondrous face.
And no sorrow shall pervade, in the depths of my soul,
For a glimse of heaven I have seen, and it beckons my soul.

 
Yes, Lord... Helpe me to run my race with a vision of your eternity... Then NOTHING can bring me down... And I shall go out with joy! Just afford to me a glimmer of that eternal joy, so that I can cling upon it and fight your battles in this world... Thank you Lord, for I know that that joy is true... There is no denying it... Now it is all that I strive for... All that I desire... Any joy here on earth you give me Lord, I thank you, but may it never sway me from that of your eternity...

I give myself to you,
Amen...

I Am Man...

T'was from my beginning, no choice had I in this,
Man was I born, Man shall I live.
Not that image, the world corrupted, a deceitful, impure liar,
But that which my God ordained, a man who has been through fire.

Man, courageous, not that I fight a fight against all,
But that I would listen and abide by God's call.
For courage comes not from what the world dares you to do,
But that you stand for Christ and what He says is true.

Man, strong, not that in this world I can do much,
But that my faith not waver, strength is as such.
That strength not come in the physical realm,
But strength that comes when God is at helm.

Man, a warrior, war I declare,
Not against humans, but the Prince of the Air.
I will fight this fight even if no other will come,
For my life forsaken, my soul will come to no harm.
For your cross alone, would I give my life,
For I know eternity beckons and I care not for strife.

Man, a poet, sensitive and true,
Gentleness I must have, or I am not man but a fool.
That before my Lord humbly I come,
Knowing the battle I'm fighting He won.

Man, a lover, not that women be for my pleasure,
For to deceive me satan uses her as a lure.
But I seek in women what is righteous and pure,
That to protect her innocence much pain would I endure.

This world shall never deem me a man,
But a boy who fathoms not, this world's plan.
But I care not at all, for what this world think,
And I dedicate my life to my Lord my King.

For in Christ alone I take my stand,
That all earth may see what God deems a man.
That in traversity, His praises will I sing,
I am Man, warrior-poet, for Christ my King.

Lord... Help me be a MAN... A man that you would deem worthy of the manhood you have bestowed upon me... Please!

For I fight with courage but only for you... For your cross would I give my life! May I be a coward in the ways of the world but stand in the love that you alone and you alone can give... I love you God. And I forsake all to follow you... That is the mark of a man.

Lord that I may fulfill the role you would have me fulfill. That I would be a protector of what is good and pure in woman....

And Lord, may i be sensitive just as Jesus hikmself was sensitive... That my heart may be attuned to your word... Please Lord...

In Christ mnost precious name I pray, Make me a man...
Amen...

Desiderio Domini...

The tides of the world come gushing at my fort,
The emotions and confusion bring nothing but distraught.
I cry for a lifeboat to take me to the shore,
But my Lord says, "Edgar! You must endure more."

To live is Christ, to die gain,
For life on earth has so much pain,
I long so much to touch the shore,
I have glimpsed at it and I desire more.

This fort I hold, for my God alone,
Till the day He comes and takes me home.
Each day a struggle as I withstand the storm,
My only driving force that I would see his throne.

And so I live with desires dead,
That towards the cross I might tread,
And tears do flow, oft so freely,
My cry Oh Lord, 'Desiderio Domini'!

Oh Lord, help me live dead to desires... Only you know the things that drive sooo deep into my heart... I see certain things and I cannot but help but to feel to desperate inside, that now i have naught but a desire for death... Truly I am understanding the words, to live for God and God alone, for were it not for you i would have picked that glorious sleep... Right now again I feel so distraught, show me your comfort and your ability to give me peace... Lord I so long to see your face!!! I so long to be with you,

"To leave the world and all behind,
death to me poses no fear in my mind"


When the world asks why am I like that... I can only say 'Desiderio Domini'...

Why so my tears flow? Why do i worship? Why so i sigh? Why do i choose to live? Why forsake all for God?

DESIDERIO DOMINI.... (I soo dearly long to be with my Lord)...

Peter the apostle cried so oft and burst into tears on numerous occasions for no outward reason... When his disciples asked him why? He said... 'Desiderio Domini'...

May I too find the longing for you sooo deep inbedded in my heart that nothing else will do... Please Lord... I need help... Because this world is really overtaking my faculties... My cry 'Desiderio Domini'...

In Christ most precious name I pray again...
Amen...

Where is peace?

I try to worship, to give my heart,
I fail and fail, to live as thou art.
I lie down upon my bed, to gather my thoughts,
I cannot think straight, oh what confusion my heart has wrought.
I stand in adoration and bow in reverent awe,
So longing for your peace, to in your arms fall...
Hear my cry Oh Lord, and last me through this pain,
The world I lose, my life i stand to gain.
My heart a tornado, that spins my world around,
Oh for when can I say, "Your peace have I found!"
T'is a feeling occuring so oft in present times,
That this mountain of Zion I find so hard to climb.
And on this hill, I know Thy reside,
Oh, Lord, I cannot wait to stand by Your side.
But now here I am, all over distraught,
I cannot Lord, live by what you have taught...
And I seek your peace to calm this storm,
That in my heart begins to form.
So please Oh Lord, have mercy 'pon my ragged soul,
For now I am lost, and I know not where to go...

Lord... I feel so confused and in the doldrums lately... I cannot focus on you... WHat little I do for you now is all that I can bring myself to do... The love I show for you, so hard to do... The smiles I smile for you, Lord, if only i could feel as such inside. Make your way clear... Hear my cry as I cry for peace... Teach me your ways!!! Have mercy, Oh Father, I beg and plead... For i know i am undeserving... But I truly just want to live in your arms... HELP! HELP! HELP! May you make clear my path in all that I do...

It's been one of those weeks, when the mountain I am facing seems too hard to climb,
And i try to have faith... But sometimes the waiting drives me outta my mind...

Lord... I am empty... Fill me with your love... I live only to hear the words 'Thou Art Good and faithful servant' when i finally finish my race... I live for eternity... But Lord, I cannot do that without your help... Even as I try to do that and leave the world... Fill me with your peace... For i dunno how long more i can take what I feel inside... I am getting desperate, like I am being driven insane. Lord, help...

In Christ most precious name I pray...
AMEN

I love a Girl... (Written for another guy)

I love a girl, so beautiful, like a flower in the morning sun,
I'd give my life to her in ease, I believe she is the one.
This feeling deep within I cannot try to hide,
So strong so overpowering, to love her feels so right.

But yet My Lord, oh why, do you play me for a fool?
Why grant me such desires that I know not what to do?
I cannot still my lonesome wanting heart,
Of her life I desire to so much be a part.

Yet You cry 'NO!', that she not be mine now,
And I look at my pain, Oh Lord, "HOW?"
I so desire to serve You and You alone,
Yet why must it be so hard, to come before Your throne?

So Lord, I steel myself to offer her to You,
That this sacrifice, You may help me make anew.
And the pain, that festers deep, burns its fiery blaze,
Help me never to remove my eyes from your gaze...


I post this for someoneelse... I once felt this way... Till this day, when I am weakened this can still haunt me... But know that pain, will only last this lifetime... Soon we shall see God... Perhaps ONE day she will be for you... Remember the parable of the persistent woman... In all things petition God. But perhaps not... Focus your life upon living for him. For in him can we trust... And may the pain mould you and refine you into a stronger and stronger man that may one day stand righteous before Christ... He sees your sacrifice...

I will be praying for you...
(And I will sort out my side, for I will keep to my word, "I will not ask you to do what I will not"... Not that I will be doing the same thing as you... Situation differs...)

Call me...

Lord, I am your servant, here I stand today,
Awaiting your command, to travel in your way.
I stand confused within this sinful world,
I know so little, I am but still a child.
I know not what to do to bring glory to your name,
I know not what i think, confused I stand in shame.
But I know my life is yours, to serve you with my life,
Not caring for all things, not a house nor car nor wife.
Though the pain within me burn upon my soul an ashen scar,
I know this pain, and I know it shalt not carry far...
And though I may live to see a hundred years,
And though on this earth may there be many tears.
Yet I know that in the light of His eternity,
All this pain is so small, oh His glory i cannot but wait to see.
So CALL ME Lord, now, to do your will today,
And fool may I be if i hear not what you say.
I kneel before you, Lord, shattered to the core,
Please Lord have mercy, of you, that I implore.
So take me and leave me, upon your narrow path,
So that i may never incur your awesome, awesome wrath...

Lord... CALL ME!!! To do your will... My life a living sacrifice... You know the pains in my heart... Yet i know that they cannot stand in the light of eternity... That I would hear the words 'Thou art good and faithful servant'!!!.... Lord PLEASE, help me see that that is all the reward I need... I stand for you to call me... My life is yours... Just 20,30,40,50,60,70,80,90,100??? more years.... And then eternity beckons... For after you call me Lord, TAKE ME...

In Christ most precious name i pray,
Amen...

My God

T'is a question man asks, and tries to understand,
Was there a beginning and will there be an end?
Eternity a concept to great for us to grasp,
Our past, our future, all to God we trust.
For He was love when upon that tree He chose to die,
Merciful and kind that behind his tomb He did lie.
Righteous beyond, what I could ever reach,
Gentle and givng, that he gives more than what I beseech.
Never failing to call me back when I stray,
Oh Lord, I praise you, forever and today.


Oh Lord my God, I stand in awesome wonder of the love that you have shown to me... I am sincerely stunned by the beauty that you have shown to me... I love you Lord, above all else... Please teach me how to love you even more...

In christ most precious name, I THANK YOU LORD, AND I LOVE YOU LORD...
Amen

My Sins, My Shame

My sins so familiar, I've had them for life,
Too numerous to count, I just cannot fight...
My SLOTH, so strong,
that I would do nothing at all.
My PRIDE, so wrong,
that it would make me fall.
My IMPURITY, so overwhelming,
that my flesh would desire in err.
My DECEIT, so disgusting,
that I would lie without a care.
My GLUTTONY, my desire,
for what is ont this earth.
My INDISCIPLINE, my error,
for I do not give God what He is worth.
My BITTERNESS, my bane,
that joy cannot fill my heart.
My UNGENTLENESS, still the same,
that from me will not depart.
All these things i bring before, Your Almighty throne,
For your blood and that alone could for these atone.
I cry, "Change me NOW Lord, with your power!"
For to live for you is my one desire.
I have failed before to leave these things behind,
But now i try again and towards perfection i onwards climb.
And may your power NOW grip my very soul,
And change me into your image, making me whole...

Lord, today again I take stock of my greatest sins... How little I have progressed Lord... Please, give me the strength that comes from you... I NEED to change into your image... If there is no other way then Lord, grant me all the suffering i need to become like you... But if there is another way Lord, use it now... May i live for you and you alone... All my pet sins oh Lord... Help me in fighting them... Please Lord... I NEED You... Help me live for eternity...

In Christ most pesious name may You wash me in the cleansing blood even as i vow to start anew...

I love you Lord...
Amen