Decidedly Bad poetry About a GREAT God... Becos no words can express his greatness...

My Struggle with Sin...

2005-05-14T23:42:00.000-07:00

Whoa... For a very long time i have not written anything already.... But today today today.... I just felt a need to voice my innermost feelings to God...

Lord, My God, why doth my struggle seem so hard?
That each day, new pains come and strike my already fragile heart...
For though from deep within, I desire to be yours, pure...
Yet, from my sin, heart and thoughts, it seems there be no cure...

the deepest of my desires, to serve you with my hearts every beat,
And to one day before your throne before your glory sit...
But now my heartr cries in constant agony,
For from the bonds of sin, I never seem able to get free...

And from my soul rends a heart-wrenching cry,
For now I know why my saviour had to for me die...
For alone, myself, I am mortal, weak...
Alone my war with sin is lost, alone it is bleak...

So by faith alone, I take my ground,
that Father you would have me and lead me heaven bound...
And now these pains that assail my fragile borken heart,
I know that of my marvellous story they will ever be a part...

AMEN...

I wrote this one the train back from my NAV camop in Taman Negara... As usual my stupid mind and heart was bugging me... And I was again on another low ebb... Well... I wrote something that voices EXACTLY how I felt... in the form of a psalm... (Orientaion - Disorientation - New Orientation)...

May the Lord, continue to calm the ragingf tempest that swirl in my heart, that it may be a sanctified throne unto His glory...

About a girl.... (Dun ask who...)

2004-11-22T23:26:00.000-08:00

Though your eyes, they be like stars that lighten up the night,

Though your smile, to others bring reassurance, that everything will be alright.

Though your face, wonderfully constructed, that it may move many a man's heart,

Though your body, so well built, that none can tear their gaze apart.

Yet all these beauties together cannot compare,

To that which is in you, your soul and spirit which is there.

Though your face may move men to labour,

But for your soul did our Jesus suffer.

Though for your eyes have the ancients many a year sought,

But it is your gentleness that may move men to God.

Though your smile may light up a dreary man's day,

But your love brings more comfort than any word's can say,.

Though your body may stir a man in his lust,

But it is your prayerful spirit that shows in you can I trust.

So take heart for above all earthly beauties that be,

Though these you possess, so do you possess them that men sometimes cannot see.

And your beauty on that day when My Lord returns,

Shall shine through all the places, both earth and the heavens.

That is the beauty that I see within you deep,

And may you for no other beauty, in your life seek...

I was going through some of my old poems and I stumbled upon this one... This is the only poem I have ever written that was not specifically between God and me... I think its one of my best!!! :) Wrote it for someone some time ago... Means something to me... Doubt anyone would read it, now that I so long never blog here already....

But if anyone reads this (And I guess the person I wrote it for), I pray that this is the beauty that you will seek... T'is all that matters...

Never Blog for very Long... I'm Back...

2004-11-22T07:12:00.000-08:00

God, I love YOU!!!

Father I am so confused,
My heart a raging storm.
Emptiness is everywhere,
Deep inside I feel forlorn.

I see my heart's desire,
So close and yet out of reach.
And my heart wrenches,
Sadness does it teach...

Yet through all that happens,
There is one standing by.
By beloved maker Jesus,
Watching me cry.

And through it all i realise,
My body in his arms curled.
T'is for him I live and die,
My life totally surrendered.

Today I begin with a simple one... For I remember... T'is not the words that matter... For they are nothing more than my expression of love for you....

The battlefield...

2004-09-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

There is war on going, in a field far away,
Many people have died, on that field many bodies lay.
I too have made that trip to stand,I have draw arms and fight,
To remain steadfast and defend what I know is right.

I have given my life to be part of this war,
My time forsaken, so that I can prepare more.
The cause : The souls of all on this earth,
The fighters : Many are called but few truly serve.

And I shall remain on this field all the days of my life,
Giving my all, for victory I strive.
But yet my wounds are numerous and bleeding,
Each day, it hurts just to stand, everywhere am I hurting...

And on the floor I crawl, all my edifices flowing out with blood,
And I feel I cannot go on, and I lay me down in the mud.
But then I raise my head, and glance at that distant hill,
And I see that awesome cross, that which my future sealed.

And I remember the wonderful words, that my saviour said,
"Hold the fort my child, I will be back one day!"
And I muster all I have, with him who gives me strength,
And raise the banner once more, of Jehovah, whom I thank.

And all the wounds, that bleed and suck my life dry,
I feel are covered up with tenderness, by my Saviour Jesus Christ.
And a new blood is given that flows through my veins,
The blood of Jesus, the blood of one who reigns.

And so my friends, join me on this lonesome battlefield,
For it is here, you shall know Jesus, and your total life yield.
Place your trust in him my friend,
Such love unbeknowest shall he to you send.

I have not blogged in this page for very long... Sigh... Lost my prose for a while... Have been on the battlefield and was losing a bit too much blood for me to write poetry... Well I AM BACK!!!... Still on the battlefield, but upheld by He who loves me...

Join me on the battlefield... It is the only place that you will come to know that God is real... Stake your all in him and you will not be dissapointed... How to build faith if you are not fighting for him?

Lord I love You... May I never stop striving till you return, and I shall rest perfect in your arms...

Oh Christ, My Life...

2004-08-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

Every single thing I undertake,
Every single move I make,
What is it for, what use it?
When on that day, this earthly life I quit?

There be no more desire to see my story told,
Ah, for the end be the same, my life to death sold.
When I stand, I sit, be there a purpose?
My life, to me a blessing or to me a curse?

But now I know the reason, that I doth breathe life,
I know why, I strive and persevere through all worldy strife...
T'is for Christ and his glory, that I breathe my each breath,
T'is for Christ and his kingdom, that I would not yet meet death.

T'is not in service, that I gain my joy,
T'is not in just worship that do I enjoy.
T'is not the word alone that runneth my cup over,
T'is not just in prayer, that my happiness is sure...

But it is on loving and being with my King,
That is all it takes to stir my heart to sing.
And that is what id missing, in so many a lonesome soul,
Ah... If they would just come to him, their joy would overflow...

So, Jesus, my Lord, never leave my side,
And towards your final glory, do I on your wings ride.
And I declare, I live for only one,
Jesus, you're my Lord, your glory shining like the sun...

Everyday, I get assaulted by mine and the enemies thoughts...

Why do I live? Where is the peace and joy of my life? Why is each moment on earth seemingly so painful?

And I just revert my eyes back onto Christ... It is He alone, that is the reason that I live... my joy cometh not in the reading of the bible, or in prayer, or in service... It comes from my faith and love in my living God and all of that is just the way I express it..

God... Never let me stop loving you... Please... Otherwise, there be nothing left to live for... Imay never get what I want on earth... But I have you... and I love you... Thus have I chosen... Thus shall I live...

I love you God...

No Wait too Long...

2004-08-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

Lord, I long with desires that blossom deep inside,
Many so painful and yet the pain do I have to hide.
I long for something, with every breath of my soul,
That this desire constantly threaten to swallow me whole.

My thoughts, they rage, my emotions in civil war,
And though I try my best, it causes pain I can't ignore.
I fall down 'pon my face and let out a wrenching cry,
Then I whimper, with tears flowing and let out to God a sigh.

I have heard He is faithful and doeth all good things,
And joy may only come in total trust of him.
He is El Odam, the everlasting God,
The Jehovah Shalom, the peace for so long I have sought.

And so I trust in God, though in this life I may not see,
All that I desire, come finally to me.
But I wait in anticipation for that Final Day,
For heaven is my reward, if I live for him today.

And so I wait for my earthly desires, be it a day, a year, a life,
For only God knows if my desires be fulfilled if the time ever be rife.
For no wait be too long,
To know that in my Father's plan I belong.

Lord... Whenever I am down, the evil one knows exactly where to attack me...

Lord, waiting on you is so hard. But I look at all the other Christian saints, they too waited...
Frances Schaeffer waited 4 years. Jim Elliot waited 7 years. Many, Many others I can name waited...

Lord I do not care how long I have to wait, a day, a year, or even if my desire is never fulfilled on this earth (Perhaps it be my thorn?). For there is no wait that is too long, that I would rather be out of your plan... Not my will but thine Oh Lord!!! Thus is truly my cry.

You know that I have only one last strong earthly desire, and You know what that is...
And You know that my requirements be high because of the way I have chosen to live my life, totally dedicated to you. That desire must be totally surrendered, both by me and that desire itself if ever it shall be fulfilled. And thus of course do I pray for the fulfillment of my desire. But followed by a resounding, NOT MY WILL BUT THINE! For only you knwo if it may be fulfilled only in a matter of days, months, years or perhapos never.

For perfect me in my trust in you, that I may find true peace and joy and the loving arms my my Christ. For even as now I study the lives of the modern day saints, Lord, may I be like them, that when they came to know you, they can safely say, as Paul, t'is no longer I that liveth, but Christ that liveth in me...

For there is no cell nor member in my entire body, that can deny the truth and existence of Christ, and so for Him shall I live... And may I always do so...

In Christ Most precious name I pray,
Amen...

Thank you Lord, for Your Hesed... T'is that that keeps me going...

"我不在乎人生孤独，
我有耶稣爱我，耶稣于我同住。"
(Writing Chinese characters is really hard...)

My Strength...

2004-08-17T00:56:00.000-07:00

Heavy burdens weigh in, as I run this lonesome race,
I cry, "When oh Lord, will someone come and match my pace?
When will someone join me, to fight the fight of faith,
To be my co-worker as we for lost souls raid?"

I am so burdened, seven days not enough for me,
My work overwhelming, my time is not free.
My mind, a whirlpool of things here and there,
My heart, a bleeding, from emotions and my cares.

But yet I would not trade this for anything,
For I am serving you, and so may I sing.
I have prayed for this day, when time be yours alone,
The world no longer holding, as I bow before your throne.

T'is joy in knowing, that by your strength I survive,
That only in my surrender and service can I say I am alive!
I depend upon your countenance for each day's joy and peace,
Only in communion with you doth my joy and peace increase.

And so I learn to trust, my Lord, my strength, my life,
Towards your throne, I let out a mighty sigh.
Picking up your cross, I stride along ahead,
Its burden light, for at the end you wait with arms spread.

Lord, thank you for lifting my spirits up a little... Just came back from ministering/fellowship with two brothers... Sigh... Lord, I needed that in some ways. Though now I may be at a loss, I yet have such a peace within me. Though many call me mad for what I am doing, I would not trade what I am doing now for any other life... But not my will but Thine...

"Greater love have no man than that he give his life for another."

And so I give my life for others... Not only in death, but in my present time, I give my all for the glory of Your kingdom God... May I learn to forsake even more...

And Lord, I pray raise up a helper for me, if it be in Your will... But not my will but Thine...

Raise up your army... Raise up co workers to strive with me for your glory...
Even if I may never see them, may more go out into the harvest...

In Christ most precious name, I draw strength from You once again...
Amen

Its getting MAD!!! (No Poetry)

2004-08-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

Wahhh... Today, I cannot bring myself to write in literary prose... Just finished school. I realise how lost I am, yet for the first time in my life I am commited to studying for Christ...

My mind is really at a really really weak point. My studies, my christian commitments... Sigh... Just in about 2 hours I will be meeting two brothers one of whom I am discipling by going to their house and meeting even their parents who are quite against Christianity, esp. for the brother that I am discipling. So I his teacher will be going to meet his parents... And I have not prepared to minister to them, nor do I even feel up to it... Sigh... ADONAI!!! I call upon you in this name, because I cannot take much more alone, and yet I have only started. I need your spirit to help me, I am too weak...

And my emotions have been a roller coaster for the past 6 months... Sigh... Even now, I smile, only for God... T'is only in the arms of God that I may find peace... Otherwise my heart is in such a turmoil... And yet I spend each day laughing??? May I delight in you... Though I may not feel like it, may I continue in my effort to encourage and grow people towards you, for if I have not love, I have nothing... Help me still to love, even through sorrow and pain...

I remember before my army started I asked God, "So How?" He said prepare... I have a feeling now, 3 years down the road, it is time to prepare and also pick up my weapons and start fighting... I have never had a time like that... But I declare war with Jehovah Nissi as my banner, flying over my head... I will not let the enemy triumph over me, but i need you Lord...

In the past 6 months since returning from Brunei, you have led me through a roller coaster, I see now that that was part of your final preparations before what is happening now... May I never forget the lessons you have taught me then...

Especially that valuable lesson of communion and trust... I may never see victory in this world, but heaven waits before me, and in communion with Christ i may glimpse that heaven... And that alone is my only and main source of power and driving force... May it always be... For you know, that there is little on earth that truly may satiate me now Lord, I await death and eternal sanctuary...

Lord, this is a heartfelt cry from my heart,
" 我以后不在乎人生一个人走，
我眼中只有十字架，我永不回头。
不管任和事，我对您的承诺不变，
可以投入您的怀抱，我就是等那一天."(Chinese Characters)

I live for Christ alone... May I remember all you have taught, especially, that joy that I may have in sorrow, that comes from the concious decision to place my trust in you. And may You be all that I need, and may You be all that I live...

I surrender...

There is Joy through Sorrow...

2004-08-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

There are times on earth when all dun seem well,
We hide the pain in our hearts, so others cannot tell.
Yet the wrenching within tears within us an open wound,
And except for the pain, for all else there is no room.

Perhaps a love, you cannot fulfill?
Or a feeling of helplessness within that you cannot still?
Perhaps your family, somehow is wrong,
Or your friends, somehow you dun belong.

So much pain in this world, wherever you go,
How people make it through, I do not know.
But for me, I have Christ, and his ever-lasting love,
That though pain overwhelms, Him will I still serve.

For through it all, no matter what,
Real joy will always fill my heart.
As long as in everything big and small,
I learn to trust him and live by his call...

This is the crux of loving God... In the psalms, the psalmist oft presents first, his problem, then after that his concept of God... The thing is often, like the psalmist things happen to us that we believe should not especially if we are in the arms of God. What is happening around us comes into contrast with who we think God is. (E.G. God is peace, so we should have peace. God loves me, so I should always be happy.) Either that OR, we oursleves are lamenting over ourselves and the people around... We cannot understand why we feel a certain way and we lament over our own feelings...

But in the end, we must all end as the psalmist does, in trust of God.... That is where you will find the peace of Christ... At that final decision of trust in the plan of God, even if the remedy does not come during our lifetime... Place your eyes upon heaven and the eternal, that is the only place i can confirm you will not be disappointed...

So may we all come to trust him more and more...

Lord, You know that even as I strive to serve you more and more, yet there is so much sorrow in my heart... That Lord, there is pain there. Yet through it all I can find joy... Joy in you and through communion with you... Thank you Lord... I love you... And I will serve you through all the pain... For I know that eternity waits before me as my reward...

I live with the end in mind...

T'is God...

2004-08-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

T'is God who rules the heavens with his mighty hand,
Yet He is personal and on him can I depend.
T'is God who rules my heart, with His soft, sweet touch.
And my life is His, my love is as such.

T'is God, who moves my hand, in written word or prose,
No glory for me in writing, for my words only God knows.
T'is God who helps me awake, every single morn,
It is He who heals me, when my heart is torn.

T'is God, who helps me speak, His Spirit in my words,
I speak only for him, for my words are not worth.
T'is God and God alone, to whom glory flows,
If I take any, I am not his friend but his foe.

And so wondrous God, Beyond all imagination,
Be in my heart, you are my salvation.
And all my sins, alone I cannot fight,
Will fade away to darkness when exposed to your light...

God, you are great beyond all imagination. You alone are the reason I live and can live. I remember once you put these words in my mouth to speak.

"The israelites, saw many wonders, in fact they saw wonders every day (manna from heaven) yet they complained... I too have seen many wonders, even being able to wake in the morning is a wonder... May i never complain..."

Yes Lord, may I never complain...

And change me Lord... I have so many pet sins in my heart and life... Change me...

- My pride
- My sloth (Inclusive of bad time management)
- My unwillingness to prepare either in study or in work for you as a result of my pride and
sloth...
- My abrasive attitude/ Lack of gentleness
- My lack of love
- My irritating lying tongue... (Almost forgot... How could I?)

Wahhhhh.... Can go on forever... But Lord, please help me deal with these first... May I truly live for you... Please Lord, I cannot fight them myself... Take them from me... Ever since my commitments have ramped up exponentially, so have my struggles with sins... Whatever be it Lord... Bring me through, I trust in you...

In Christ most precious name....
Amen.

T'is the time...

2004-08-11T23:45:00.000-07:00

T'is the time to forsake my all,
To hearken to my God's call.
T'is the time to give your life,
Right here right now the time is right.

Open your ears and hear our God's cry,
To rally all christians to war by his side.
Though you may be weak or mature, young or old,
Our God is calling you, as the battle unfolds.

But yet so many are caught up in this world,
Oblivious or uncaring as the battle unfurls.
The enemies deception has clouded their eyes,
Their life not truly forsaken, from the world they have not died.

They spend their days in merrymaking,
All the while believing,
That they are christians and that God is their king.

I beseech you, oh friends, take look at your time,
Is it God's? or do you call it "mine".
Do you sharpen your weapons as you ready for war?
Or do you play the day away and believe that God will make you soar?

Do you work for a man's soul, the only thing which is eternal?
Or do you deign to see it burn in the everlasting inferno?
For though we strive for so many a long year,
If we change not a man's soul then our ministry be not sincere.

So join the clash and stand beside me,
Know that we are fighting, for others to be free.
And if we truly carry the banner of God into our fight,
Heaven is our reward and there we will live in his light.

Just gonna quote a song i once heard,

" I will rise and face the darkness,
I will shine his holy light,
I will live to love the hopeless,
I will lift the cross of Christ,
I will raise the flag of freedom,
For his blood is my defense.
He has called me, FOR A TIME SUCH AS THIS...
He has called me, FOR A TIME SUCH AS THIS..."

Sigh... School has started finally and at the same time my outside commitments are ramping up obscenely... Not that I am complaining...

I remember reading about Jim Elliot and I prayed, "God give me such a life." One where everything revolves around you and has your ultimate purpose in life... But i always wondered, 'How come he got so much things to do one ah? Where he get from?'... Ummm... Well... Now I guess i gotta thank you Lord... Now i also got a lot... So may I live my life as he did, with all things done with your glory in mind... For I know you are with me...

(P.S. The only thing i cannot follow Jim Elliot is say that girls are a distraction from my walk with God... hehehe... Of course, if God dun wanna give me one then I will still praise him... But i cannot like Jim swear off girls... haha)

Anyway... For all those who say that I am CRAZY to be doing so much... Ummm.. Well Hudson Taylor once said, "Dream big for our God is a BIG God..." and also " When you do anything for God, plan it such that it will not work without the help of God, that is where faith comes in."... I have total faith in God... (Or at least still praying)

Lord, I truly sacrifice all to you... When you say, greater love have no man than that he give his life for someone else. We always think only of death... Our life is our time, and death is only the dedication of future time to your cause... I give my life NOW, and therefore, give all my time NOW... For the furtherance of your Kingdom... I have no fear of little enjoyment or no social life/fun, for you alone are my refuge and blessed am I if i partake of your rest...

In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen

ANOTHER COMMENT!

2004-08-05T11:38:00.000-07:00

Wahaha... another 3 entries again today... thank you God for having blessed my hand and mind in such manner that I may have the joy of praising and honouring you in words... All Glory to God...

I would like to thank my main sponsor, GOD. To him all these poems/entries/thoughts belong...

(I wonder if anyone is actually gonna read all? :) Oh well, its all for God anyway...)

Trust...

2004-08-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

A boy stood by the roadside, looking as lost as a sheep,
Day and night he was there, awake or asleep.
The dust from the road drifted in the air,
Now the boy stood dirty, but still without a care.

Rain or shine, in sickness or in health this boy would endure,
Not the elements nor diseases could make him insecure.
And all the while he stood with only one phrase on his lips,
"My daddy will come, my daddy will come! To take me on a trip!"

The passerbys out of kindness asked the boy to move on,
But for years the boy just sat there till he was seventy-one.
And all the while he endured, the mocking of people and of his heart,
Saying, "My daddy will come, My daddy will come, to come and pick me up!"

Till one day, this boy's health, could stand Father Time no more,
That day he finally lay down and closed his eyes upon the floor.
But as he closed his eyes, this words were all he said,
"My daddy has come, my daddy has come, to take my soul away..."

Oh Lord, when my heart in pain, cries out to want no more,
And I feel like giving up and not going on anymore.
Just let me trust and have strong faith in you,
To cling to your promises, for they are surely true.

For even if on this earth no blessing comes along,
And my heart grows burdened, and my faith no longer strong.
There is one single promise, that I cling to with my all,
That is heaven's waiting, and to there one day will I soar...

Lord, Paul said, only three thing matter, faith, hope and love...
And now I pray that thou shalt give me faith in abundance. Let me keep in mind the three names you revealed to Abraham, the father of faith, that I too may have faith in you...

Lord, I have preached and taught so many times about faith. It is second in line to my want for prayer. But yet Lord, I may say, but let it be so in me. May I be a man of faith, that would give his life for you...

"A Man with 100% faith in God, will gamble 100% on him" - Anonymous

Lord, to gamble 100% on you is to surrender. Help me surrender. Give me the faith to surrender. May I keep all that I have preached and taught close to my heart. That no matter how my heart squeal in pain, I shall still trust you as my only Lord and King... I love you...

True Virtue... (MUST READ!!!)

2004-08-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

C.H. Spurgeon said this of Jesus regarding what Jesus first said when He hung on the cross.
('Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.')

"Our blessed redeemer persevered in prayer even when the cruel iron rent his nerves, and blow after blow of the hammer jarred his frame with anguish; And this perseverance may be accounted for by the fact that He was so in the habit of prayer that He could not cease from it;
He had acquired a mighty velocity of intercession which forbade him to pause. Those long nights upon the cold mountain side, those many days which had been spent in solitude, those perpetual ejaculations that he was wont to send up to heaven, all these had formed in him a habit so powerful that the severest torments could not stay its force. Yet it was more than habit. Our Lord was baptised in the spirit of prayer; He lived in it, it lived in Him. It had come to be an element of his nature.

He was like that precious spice, which, being bruised, doth not cease to give forth its perfume, but rather yieldeth it rather all the more abundantly because of the blows of the pestle, its fragrance being no outwards and superficial quality, but an inward virtue essential to nature, which the pounding of the mortar did but fetch from it, causing it to reveal its secret soul of witness.

Prayer enwrapped His very soul as with a garment, and His heart went forth in such array, I repeat it, let this be our example - never under any circumstances, however severe the trial, or depressing the difficulty, let us cease from prayer."

Amen Lord!
"Long as they live should christians pray, for only while they pray they live!"

Lord, even now as I equip myself to fight for you. Of all the skills and abilities you have deemed it worthy for me to pursue, I deem prayer as my Ultimate ability. I may command knowledge of Christian history and lore, Present day science and philosophy, even build towards better physical fitness... But all these though profitable will lose sight of the ultimate goal of the cross when without prayer.

It is the only skill essential to all. All other undertakings I deem as profitable towards the Kingdom of God. But Prayer I deem ESSENTIAL.

May I be as Jesus, as that wonderful spice that when I am broken I only reflect prayer more...
Even as I reach for my target of 3/4 hours a day... Help me Lord. For though I know that joy and peace shall be found in prayer, yet I need Your help to get there.

And May You raise up more desire for prayer within Your church, for truly a Christian's prayer life is one of the best indications of his commitment and if he truly trusts in You...

I pray for more prayer.
In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen

Destroy me...

2004-08-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

Lord, I am a weak man, whose heart pains much,
Not because I suffer, but to me a little pain feels large.
I am a sinner oft unrepentant,
so in need of the gentle Spirit's prompt,

I struggle with sin and the deep wounds of emotion,
Just barely oh Father, do I keep my sin from fruition.
But thus have you willed my life, that you would give me strength,
Just enough to overcome my willful bents.

But still I cannot stand my lofty longing heart,
And the struggles that take place within, that so much pain impart.
So I would have that you destroy my earthly wants,
Take away it all, that of me it no longer taunts.

But if these struggles and pains shall bring me to your truth,
Then send them fast and furious, while i still art a youth.
So many days oh Lord, I just long to end my life,
You are the reason I live, through each and everyday's strife.

Destroy me Lord! All that is not profitable,
Because to stem the tide of sin, I am no longer able.
I just cannot wait for that day when heaven's great reward,
Shall come upon me like a dove, and I can lay down my shield and sword.

So Father Lord, i beseech you now,
Let all that fills my hjeart be thou!
For without your aid, I am as good as done,
Without your aid, this race I cannot run!

Today I am feeling quite down and in a lot of struggling. Thank God for that avenue of rest called prayer.

For those that ask why my poems got so anguished ones... HEY!!! Even psalmist got laments. Cut me some slack, allow me mine... (Of course dun expect messianic psalms...)

Lord, I just cannot understand wha goes on inside. I am so weak Lord, even though the pain is not truly that large, yet to me it consumes me whole. Truly Lord, I am one of the weakest men there are, thank you for moulding me.

May I always remember Job's prayer, his prayer at the end of his suffering and he had seen you.
'I know that You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted.
You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I do not understand,
Things too wonderful for me to know.
You said, "Listen now, and I will speak. I will question you and you shall answer me."
My ears had heard of You, but now i have seen You, therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.'

Yea Lord... T'is a prayer of a humble man that I speak now... I man who is humbled before you. I give everything. May you just last me these earthly years till i see you face to face...

My dream... To hear "Thou Art Good and Faithful Servant!"
For these words I will take all that will come and I forsake my life.

Let me pray...

Just a comment...

2004-08-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

Hahaha... Three posts in one day... NEW RECORD!!!
Oh well. taking a one week sabbatical before school starts.
More Prayer + More meditation = More Poems!!!
HAHAHA!!!!... Dunno is that is such a good thing? :)

Will YOU live for Christ?

2004-08-05T01:18:00.000-07:00

A devoted man of God, stands before the church at its pew,
He cries, 'My Jesus, He wants to use you!'
The people seated down feel shame within their hearts,
Yet still they are not willing to with God, do their part.

A great many people profess belief in Christ,
Yet how many, really, truly forsake their lives?
The call has resounded within each church's walls,
But yet so few willing to answer our God's call.

They say they will serve at a later date,
Or perhaps when our God has given them a mate.
They savour in a worship that is momentary and fleeting,
But yet in their lives they are not truly seeking!

Some so obsessed or fulfilled with service in the church,
That they miss the point and for lost souls they no longer search.
Some cry that man must ask, then they will join the fight,
For goodness sake, when you answer God call, by yourself you will rise with might!

So many let their little contributions cloud their bodily eyes,
They do not see that Jesus, He, called for our lives.
We talk of giftings, and what God wants us to do,
That is correct, but clearly he wants us to go and spread the truth!

Christ has called so many to do his work on earth,
But yet so few people will give him what he is worth.
So many say, I am already doing much,
With so much time spent enjoying, how can they say as such?

Do a serious search and see if you may claim,
That you spend more time in service and communion than in fun and games.
God is calling you, to give your life right now,
Not just belief, but that you would put your hand upon his plow.

And with my all I pray, raise an army Oh Lord,
For if all who profess belief go out, we will change the world.
So create revival, within your very church,
Raise up a generation who truly for lost sould search.

Lord, ignite the fires of all who profess belief in you.
C.H. Spurgeon once did a survey. Less than 70% of professing christians are truly saved. And this is an optimistic figure. Regardless of who, Pastors, worship leaders, elders, deacons, etc... Some would bring the number much lower to less than 50/40 %.

Oh God, there is no other quantifying measure of a Christian but that his life is yours. May I never lose sight of that. Continue to build within me the fruits of the spirit. You who started a work within me will be faithful to complete it... I cling on to that promise.

Even as I enter another place to continue my earthly duties, may I not be swayed by earthly pleasures. May I be as Jim Eliiot and hold still my vision upon only what is profitable to the Kingdom of God. So that I may be useful in whatever you may call me in the future. Fun may be had, but may I always put you first.

And raise up an army Oh Lord, to do your work. You told us to pray for harvesters, and so shall I. Jehovah Nissi, may I and all who are willing goto battle in your name.

'Some would live by the sound of church and chapel bell,
I would run a rescue mission a yard away from hell!' - Anonymous

Lord raise up the men to run your rescue missions... And may I be one of them....

Wo Wei Ni Er Huo (HANYU PINYIN)...

2004-08-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

Quan shi jie wo dao ye yi jing fang qi,
Jiu shi wei le ning ye shu, wo cai huo xia qu.
Wo de ming cong jing yi hou sang shi jing ning shou zhong,
Ke yi wei ning er huo, wo wu fa er jue de guang rong.

Rang wo xin, xiang ning shao sang yi da ba huo,
Wo jue ting ken zhong ni, wo zhi dao mei you cuo.
Shi jie de mei yi jian shi, cong chi gen wo wu guan,
Wo wei le ni, gen shi jie de guan si zao yi jing duan.

Wo bu si han zhe ren sheng yi ge ren zou,
Wo zi neng kan dao shi zhi jia, yong yuan dou bu hui tou.
Wo zai ye bu guan xin ru he tong,
Ying wei ning de ping jing, ci zao hui tou ru wo de xiong.

Rang wo, yi sheng yi yi, zi neng kan dao ren sheng zhong dian,
Jiu zai na bian, wo zhi dao wo neng kan dao ni de lian.
Bu guan she shi, wo dui ning de cheng nuo bu pian,
Ke yi tou ru ning de huai bao, wo jiu shi deng na yi tian!

Zhe shou shi si wo zhai, yi ke, kuang ai ni de shi hou er xie de... Rang wo bu wang ji.

This is a poem I wrote when I was feeling deeply in love with my God emotionally. Till this day, I always value it as one of the poems closest to my heart. Whenever anything assails me, I remember this poem. Ironic is it not that God stirred my heart to write it in chinese? Haha... What a marvellous God he is.

This poem after writing it, I realised I could even meditate upon it, it is deeper than I thought it was... Thank you Holy Spirit, for this, one of my favourite poems. I praise your name for having allowed me the pleasure of this poem.

Wo Wei Ni Er Huo (Translation)

2004-08-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

I have given up on every single bit of this world,
I live only, to see your plan unfurl.
From now on my life is solely in your hands,
It's my blessing to live for you and abide by your commands.

Let my heart burn for you, an enormous blazing fire,
I know I have not made the wrong choice, to be like you do I aspire.
All of this world, from this day have nothing to do with me,
For you oh Lord, have I long with this world disagree.

I don't really care that I walk alone,
I can only see the cross, I will never go back to my earthly home.
I do not care, when my heart gets depressed,
Sooner or later, your piece will again enter my breast.

Let me only see the end, as I run this earthly race,
For I know that at that point I can finally see your face.
No matter what, my promises to you I will not betray,
For to rest in your arms, I cannot wait for that day.

This is the English translation of my fave chinese poem. Thank you God, for even when I translate you still give me the words to write. You surpass all that I can understand or can create.

Lord, I live for you alone. May I never feel comfortable as long as I live on this earth. May I never speak of leaving my comfort zone, for may I never be comfortable except when I am with you. Even here in Singapore, may I remember that I am not to be comfortable, less I lose that vision of the cross... For I am comfortable only in your arms oh, My Lord (ADONAI - JEHOVAH!!!)

I give all I am again.

I Thank You LORD!

2004-08-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

I could thank you, for the gifts that thou dost bestow upon me,
I could thank you oh Father, that You made the awesome sea.
I could thank you my Jesus, that you sustain my life,
I could thank you my Lord, that you are with me through my strife.

But I thank You oh King, for what you simply are,
For that my heart sings when near or from far.
For thy alone art my praise, and the reason that I live,
Because of who you are my life I wholly give.

El Elyon, Possesor of all earthly things,
Because of this my God, through poverty can I sing.

El Shaddai, Able to do all,
So unworthy though I may be, I will answer your call.

Jehovah Nissi, My banner lifted high,
I carry your name into war, you are my battle-cry.

Jehovah Tsebaioth, The Lord of all Hosts,
Because of this I will never fear my foes.

Jehovah Tsidkenu, My righteousness revealed,
That when I stand before you, my future in your arms sealed.

Jehovah Mekkadishkem, Sanctifier of my soul,
Lord, slowly make me perfect, Lord Slowly make me whole.

Jehovah Makkeh, The God who smites,
That you will deal with those wicked in your sight.

Jehovah Shalom, My peace within,
This name I call everyday as I struggle with my sin.

Jehovah Hossenu, The maker of all there is,
I do not question him, for all on earth is his.

El Odam, the everlasting God,
You are the same today tomorrow, no matter when you're sought.

Jehovah Elohccnu, The holy holy one,
That you may shine in the darkness stronger than the sun.

And so Lord, I worship and praise your very awesome name,
For today tomorrow you are always the same.
And overall I pray and love my creator,
Simply just because he is the one and only 'Jah'.

Yes, Lord. In the psalms, most worship is offered unto you, not because of what you have done for the psalmist. But because of who you are and what you will do in the future. And in that I praise you name. I call upon your name and worship it with all my heart. I thank you simply for who you are not what i believe you will do for I cannot fathom your plan. Thank you Lord, for simply being Lord.

I worship you, from the depths of my heart. Not a felt worship, for just some moments. Not a worship in my mind. But the only true and worth worship. A worship with my life.

I love you God.

St. Peter (The Rock)

2004-08-03T03:27:00.000-07:00

A man like any other, impulsive in all his ways,
Fueled by emotion he said he'd follow Christ all his days.
Many times he dedicated his very all to his Lord,
That Christ himself called and named him 'The Rock".

But yet betrayer was he, not less then him named Judas,
Rejection did he proclaim, in Christ he did not trust.
But unlike that great betrayer, repentance did he embrace,
And knew from that day, that he was saved by our saviour's grace.

And though his path still rocky, though he saw a risen Christ,
In the end he laid aside his Jewish heritage, and gave up his very life.
Antioch, Rome, Babylon, Britain, where he preached his saviour slain
He travailed the world to of this news proclaim.

Till Rome he reached and he faced that evil Nero's wrath,
The Tullian Keep his home for nine months in iron cuff.
That place reknown as the worst of Roman tortures,
But burn within him a flame for Christ, that he converted all his captors.

And remorse in his heart remained till that fateful day,
That he proclaimed that he be not worthy to die in his Saviour's way.
Crucified he was, to on that cross suffer and bleed,
His cross was overturned for he deemed himself unworthy.

Here is the story of another man I admire. Oh Lord, how typical Peter was.

A man impulsive who claimed at every opportunity that he would follow you. But yet when testing came, in fear he flew.

But yet Lord, you impressed upon him his sins and changed him, that in the end you made him give up even his Jewish prejudices, that he took his wife and went to Babylon, Rome, Britain, Antioch and so many other places.

And even in his last days, he honoured you, when he was thrown into the Tullian Keep/Mamertine/Gemonium to suffer tortures unspeakable, the fire within him burned for you that he brought his captors to Christ. And that when he died, he proclaimed himself unworthy to die in the same way as you my Lord, and chose to be crucified upside down...

Oh Lord, that you would mould me into a man like him. Turn my momentary passions into lifelong commitments and work for your kingdom. Do whatever it takes, that I may be ever aware of my previous rejection of you and my dependance on you and you alone.

That you would turn my impulsiveness and aggressiveness into gentleness and sensitivity... And that I would see heaven as my reward such that even when Peter saw his wife being matyred, he rejoiced and shouted. "O thou remember the Lord!"

Lord, teach me, In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen

My Driving Force...

2004-08-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

T'is world shall I pass through, for many more a year,
To work and to play, to laugh and to tear.
And for all these years, I drive myself forward,
With only one goal that I work towards.

Some are driven by money, and things that they own,
But t'is not eternal and when we die they are gone...
Some are driven by friends, and the companionship they bring,
But no friend truly knows and understands your heart within.

But I strive, each day, and put my best in all,
For one thing aalone, for I heard my God's call!
To pick up my cross and to give my life,
To accept that life on this earth is ridden with strife.

And so when I fall and experience much hurt,
I look back at the cross and remember what I heard.
That even in pain and suffering untold,
Jesus said, "Forgive these children, they do not know".

And so I live my life for the cross alone,
It is my driving force, for my sins it atoned.
I focus my heart upon that lonesome cross,
And I take up the burden to seek and save the lost.

Lord, I live for you alone. I pick up the cross and I will fight your war. Renew in me the strength to continue for you please. I love you and you alone. Help please. May all that fills my heart be the cross.

Not as an idol but as the symbol of love you have for me. That upon that cross you died. And may my old self too continue to die even as it writhes in agony upon that cross.

I love you lord.
In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen.

True Joy Is Mine...

2004-07-29T09:44:00.000-07:00

Today... I will rehash one of my first few poems... Something that I have recently forgotten and obtained...
I wrote the following poem truly seeking joy and believing and having faith that it was there for me to grasp... Well I forgot and left out what I spoke abt is my most recent post 'True Joy'... Now again I will take both these poems in tandem and hold them close to my heart... And I believe I shall be able to find that joy that I so lack... Not that which others derive from the world but that joy that I shall derive from Jesus and Jesus alone...

I have come to realise that these two poems are a pair... One cannot do without the other... Thank you Lord for letting me come one full circle in my search for joy and peace... And now shall the peace/joy You give be reflected through my life in my love and gentleness... I thank you... For this 6 month journey and a return to the routes... As I was preaching in India you gave me some revelation in accordance to exactly what You placing in my heart. Oh Lord, you work in wonderful ways... May I never take any of what you have taught me in these poems as seperate but always remember them together. And Lord, may You fill me, sufficiently to last my race here on earth as I live in the shadow of Your wings...

I thank You Lord...
In Christ's most blessed name, I joyously place my arms into His, and I offer up a prayer not of words but of heart,
Amen...
*SIGH*

JOY
I have sought joy from the beginning when I was just born,
I made it my life commitment to make its wonders shown.
I let the world lead me in what was to be a fruitless search,
And when I reached what I though was joy, it left me in the lurch.
For in my desire I had turned blind,
Joy in little things I could not find.
And then my Lord opened my heart's eye,
That joy be with me till I die.

Oh joy, oh Lord for the sounds that pervade my ear,
That I may hear nature ring and to my eyes bring a tear.
Oh joy for tears that the pain ion me brings,
For you use that to mould me and for that I will sing.
Oh joy to the heavens for unfulfilled love,
Its a reminder that only you can fill me and that you shall I serve.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for my body broken and weak,
It makes me remember that for you must I seek.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for disappointments on earth,
For it just magnifies how much you are worth.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for betrayals of trust,
So that for this world, may I not lust.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for people better than I,
It reminds me that I am weak and for me you had to die...

True Joy

2004-07-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes and see my Lord,
He beckons me to enter his court.
In reverence I approach and kneel before his throne,
Knowing that my life I have given is no longer my own.

Many try to spoil this moment, with words and emotion,
Trying to stir within their hearts for God a commotion.
Some spend all their time petitioning for their heart's desires,
Many even deceive coming before God as liars.

But I would place my hands into hands that truly, truly served,
Not saying a word, but just knowing that He loved.
Sometimes I would speak, and place my request,
But mostly I would sit and just in his arms rest.

This art so few know, if the world would just try,
Strivings would cease, and this world would just learn to sigh.
For this time so wondrous is with my Lord face to face,
Do not try to spoil it, not with words or with haste.

This is where I get, the one greatest joy,
Even if satan try his means he cannot foil.
And this act performed in times foul or fair,
This is the one great joy simply called prayer.

Lord, may my prayer be all that you mean it to be...
That I learn to stop placing my requests within your arms but just to sit in quiet meditation of your word and your love...

That I may be as Sadhu Sunda Singh... That all I may do is place my arms into yours and when someone comes to call me away I will have to wrench myself away from that moment.

I jusy desire to kneel before you in reverence for hours and hours, not caring for anything in this world but just revelling in your peace... Help me Lord...

Keep the evil ones away from such sacred moments and grant my mind a sanctuary that it may not concern itself with the world... May I not pray with words but rather with my heart and soul... That prayer is not just this concept of prayer that the world have but it truly be communion with you, the Lord of all Lords and the Host of all Hosts... Thank you Lord... I give you my all...

In Christ most precious name I pray,
Amen.

Vision

2004-07-28T10:20:00.001-07:00

From young I have placed my eyes 'pon such a lofty goal,
To strive for fame and fortune, t'was that I would sell my soul.
My eyes placed firmly upon this wondrous world,
That its riches untold, would set my heart a swirl.

But yet there was an end that my eyes could also see,
A death that I feared, was there no purpose for me?
Till that place of eternal rest was all that consumed my eye,
For if life be so meaningless, then why does man still try?

On the end had I placed my vision, and t'is not a welcome sight,
Of uncertainties unforetold and a sleep darker than night.
But through the fog that bore down 'pon my path,
Suddenly. two endings could I see, paradise, or God's wrath.

So now all I can see, is that cross a beckoning,
Till that place of joy unforetold, of laughing and singing.
So now this world no longer hold me sway,
For my vision be that of on that glorious day.

So my heart with joy will run this lonesome race,
Till my goal be reached and I see that wondrous face.
And no sorrow shall pervade, in the depths of my soul,
For a glimse of heaven I have seen, and it beckons my soul.

Yes, Lord... Helpe me to run my race with a vision of your eternity... Then NOTHING can bring me down... And I shall go out with joy! Just afford to me a glimmer of that eternal joy, so that I can cling upon it and fight your battles in this world... Thank you Lord, for I know that that joy is true... There is no denying it... Now it is all that I strive for... All that I desire... Any joy here on earth you give me Lord, I thank you, but may it never sway me from that of your eternity...

I give myself to you,
Amen...

I Am Man...

2004-07-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

T'was from my beginning, no choice had I in this,
Man was I born, Man shall I live.
Not that image, the world corrupted, a deceitful, impure liar,
But that which my God ordained, a man who has been through fire.

Man, courageous, not that I fight a fight against all,
But that I would listen and abide by God's call.
For courage comes not from what the world dares you to do,
But that you stand for Christ and what He says is true.

Man, strong, not that in this world I can do much,
But that my faith not waver, strength is as such.
That strength not come in the physical realm,
But strength that comes when God is at helm.

Man, a warrior, war I declare,
Not against humans, but the Prince of the Air.
I will fight this fight even if no other will come,
For my life forsaken, my soul will come to no harm.
For your cross alone, would I give my life,
For I know eternity beckons and I care not for strife.

Man, a poet, sensitive and true,
Gentleness I must have, or I am not man but a fool.
That before my Lord humbly I come,
Knowing the battle I'm fighting He won.

Man, a lover, not that women be for my pleasure,
For to deceive me satan uses her as a lure.
But I seek in women what is righteous and pure,
That to protect her innocence much pain would I endure.

This world shall never deem me a man,
But a boy who fathoms not, this world's plan.
But I care not at all, for what this world think,
And I dedicate my life to my Lord my King.

For in Christ alone I take my stand,
That all earth may see what God deems a man.
That in traversity, His praises will I sing,
I am Man, warrior-poet, for Christ my King.

Lord... Help me be a MAN... A man that you would deem worthy of the manhood you have bestowed upon me... Please!

For I fight with courage but only for you... For your cross would I give my life! May I be a coward in the ways of the world but stand in the love that you alone and you alone can give... I love you God. And I forsake all to follow you... That is the mark of a man.

Lord that I may fulfill the role you would have me fulfill. That I would be a protector of what is good and pure in woman....

And Lord, may i be sensitive just as Jesus hikmself was sensitive... That my heart may be attuned to your word... Please Lord...

In Christ mnost precious name I pray, Make me a man...
Amen...

Desiderio Domini...

2004-07-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

The tides of the world come gushing at my fort,
The emotions and confusion bring nothing but distraught.
I cry for a lifeboat to take me to the shore,
But my Lord says, "Edgar! You must endure more."

To live is Christ, to die gain,
For life on earth has so much pain,
I long so much to touch the shore,
I have glimpsed at it and I desire more.

This fort I hold, for my God alone,
Till the day He comes and takes me home.
Each day a struggle as I withstand the storm,
My only driving force that I would see his throne.

And so I live with desires dead,
That towards the cross I might tread,
And tears do flow, oft so freely,
My cry Oh Lord, 'Desiderio Domini'!

Oh Lord, help me live dead to desires... Only you know the things that drive sooo deep into my heart... I see certain things and I cannot but help but to feel to desperate inside, that now i have naught but a desire for death... Truly I am understanding the words, to live for God and God alone, for were it not for you i would have picked that glorious sleep... Right now again I feel so distraught, show me your comfort and your ability to give me peace... Lord I so long to see your face!!! I so long to be with you,

"To leave the world and all behind,
death to me poses no fear in my mind"

When the world asks why am I like that... I can only say 'Desiderio Domini'...

Why so my tears flow? Why do i worship? Why so i sigh? Why do i choose to live? Why forsake all for God?

DESIDERIO DOMINI.... (I soo dearly long to be with my Lord)...

Peter the apostle cried so oft and burst into tears on numerous occasions for no outward reason... When his disciples asked him why? He said... 'Desiderio Domini'...

May I too find the longing for you sooo deep inbedded in my heart that nothing else will do... Please Lord... I need help... Because this world is really overtaking my faculties... My cry 'Desiderio Domini'...

In Christ most precious name I pray again...
Amen...

Where is peace?

2004-07-07T00:17:00.000-07:00

I try to worship, to give my heart,
I fail and fail, to live as thou art.
I lie down upon my bed, to gather my thoughts,
I cannot think straight, oh what confusion my heart has wrought.
I stand in adoration and bow in reverent awe,
So longing for your peace, to in your arms fall...
Hear my cry Oh Lord, and last me through this pain,
The world I lose, my life i stand to gain.
My heart a tornado, that spins my world around,
Oh for when can I say, "Your peace have I found!"
T'is a feeling occuring so oft in present times,
That this mountain of Zion I find so hard to climb.
And on this hill, I know Thy reside,
Oh, Lord, I cannot wait to stand by Your side.
But now here I am, all over distraught,
I cannot Lord, live by what you have taught...
And I seek your peace to calm this storm,
That in my heart begins to form.
So please Oh Lord, have mercy 'pon my ragged soul,
For now I am lost, and I know not where to go...

Lord... I feel so confused and in the doldrums lately... I cannot focus on you... WHat little I do for you now is all that I can bring myself to do... The love I show for you, so hard to do... The smiles I smile for you, Lord, if only i could feel as such inside. Make your way clear... Hear my cry as I cry for peace... Teach me your ways!!! Have mercy, Oh Father, I beg and plead... For i know i am undeserving... But I truly just want to live in your arms... HELP! HELP! HELP! May you make clear my path in all that I do...

It's been one of those weeks, when the mountain I am facing seems too hard to climb,
And i try to have faith... But sometimes the waiting drives me outta my mind...

Lord... I am empty... Fill me with your love... I live only to hear the words 'Thou Art Good and faithful servant' when i finally finish my race... I live for eternity... But Lord, I cannot do that without your help... Even as I try to do that and leave the world... Fill me with your peace... For i dunno how long more i can take what I feel inside... I am getting desperate, like I am being driven insane. Lord, help...

In Christ most precious name I pray...
AMEN

I love a Girl... (Written for another guy)

2004-07-06T23:55:00.000-07:00

I love a girl, so beautiful, like a flower in the morning sun,
I'd give my life to her in ease, I believe she is the one.
This feeling deep within I cannot try to hide,
So strong so overpowering, to love her feels so right.

But yet My Lord, oh why, do you play me for a fool?
Why grant me such desires that I know not what to do?
I cannot still my lonesome wanting heart,
Of her life I desire to so much be a part.

Yet You cry 'NO!', that she not be mine now,
And I look at my pain, Oh Lord, "HOW?"
I so desire to serve You and You alone,
Yet why must it be so hard, to come before Your throne?

So Lord, I steel myself to offer her to You,
That this sacrifice, You may help me make anew.
And the pain, that festers deep, burns its fiery blaze,
Help me never to remove my eyes from your gaze...

I post this for someoneelse... I once felt this way... Till this day, when I am weakened this can still haunt me... But know that pain, will only last this lifetime... Soon we shall see God... Perhaps ONE day she will be for you... Remember the parable of the persistent woman... In all things petition God. But perhaps not... Focus your life upon living for him. For in him can we trust... And may the pain mould you and refine you into a stronger and stronger man that may one day stand righteous before Christ... He sees your sacrifice...

I will be praying for you...
(And I will sort out my side, for I will keep to my word, "I will not ask you to do what I will not"... Not that I will be doing the same thing as you... Situation differs...)

Call me...

2004-07-06T07:42:00.000-07:00

Lord, I am your servant, here I stand today,
Awaiting your command, to travel in your way.
I stand confused within this sinful world,
I know so little, I am but still a child.
I know not what to do to bring glory to your name,
I know not what i think, confused I stand in shame.
But I know my life is yours, to serve you with my life,
Not caring for all things, not a house nor car nor wife.
Though the pain within me burn upon my soul an ashen scar,
I know this pain, and I know it shalt not carry far...
And though I may live to see a hundred years,
And though on this earth may there be many tears.
Yet I know that in the light of His eternity,
All this pain is so small, oh His glory i cannot but wait to see.
So CALL ME Lord, now, to do your will today,
And fool may I be if i hear not what you say.
I kneel before you, Lord, shattered to the core,
Please Lord have mercy, of you, that I implore.
So take me and leave me, upon your narrow path,
So that i may never incur your awesome, awesome wrath...

Lord... CALL ME!!! To do your will... My life a living sacrifice... You know the pains in my heart... Yet i know that they cannot stand in the light of eternity... That I would hear the words 'Thou art good and faithful servant'!!!.... Lord PLEASE, help me see that that is all the reward I need... I stand for you to call me... My life is yours... Just 20,30,40,50,60,70,80,90,100??? more years.... And then eternity beckons... For after you call me Lord, TAKE ME...

In Christ most precious name i pray,
Amen...

My God

2004-07-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

T'is a question man asks, and tries to understand,
Was there a beginning and will there be an end?
Eternity a concept to great for us to grasp,
Our past, our future, all to God we trust.
For He was love when upon that tree He chose to die,
Merciful and kind that behind his tomb He did lie.
Righteous beyond, what I could ever reach,
Gentle and givng, that he gives more than what I beseech.
Never failing to call me back when I stray,
Oh Lord, I praise you, forever and today.

Oh Lord my God, I stand in awesome wonder of the love that you have shown to me... I am sincerely stunned by the beauty that you have shown to me... I love you Lord, above all else... Please teach me how to love you even more...

In christ most precious name, I THANK YOU LORD, AND I LOVE YOU LORD...
Amen

My Sins, My Shame

2004-07-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

My sins so familiar, I've had them for life,
Too numerous to count, I just cannot fight...
My SLOTH, so strong,
that I would do nothing at all.
My PRIDE, so wrong,
that it would make me fall.
My IMPURITY, so overwhelming,
that my flesh would desire in err.
My DECEIT, so disgusting,
that I would lie without a care.
My GLUTTONY, my desire,
for what is ont this earth.
My INDISCIPLINE, my error,
for I do not give God what He is worth.
My BITTERNESS, my bane,
that joy cannot fill my heart.
My UNGENTLENESS, still the same,
that from me will not depart.
All these things i bring before, Your Almighty throne,
For your blood and that alone could for these atone.
I cry, "Change me NOW Lord, with your power!"
For to live for you is my one desire.
I have failed before to leave these things behind,
But now i try again and towards perfection i onwards climb.
And may your power NOW grip my very soul,
And change me into your image, making me whole...

Lord, today again I take stock of my greatest sins... How little I have progressed Lord... Please, give me the strength that comes from you... I NEED to change into your image... If there is no other way then Lord, grant me all the suffering i need to become like you... But if there is another way Lord, use it now... May i live for you and you alone... All my pet sins oh Lord... Help me in fighting them... Please Lord... I NEED You... Help me live for eternity...

In Christ most pesious name may You wash me in the cleansing blood even as i vow to start anew...

I love you Lord...
Amen

Who I am...

2004-06-30T06:51:00.000-07:00

Twenty one years ago on a tiny, tiny isle,
Was born to my family a small baby child...
This child would grow to be a simple man,
A man of this world, A man of this land...
This child for many a year would live on his own,
Reflecting who he was, making his personality known...
A mouth of venom, full of untruth,
And of his words few would soothe...
To him all of life was a joke,
To other's they believed Christ's yoke he had forsook ...
A man ungentle in all his ways,
Uncouth and uncaring and forever would he stay.
But for the Spirit that resides in his heart,
That forever of God, he would have a part...
And so may the Spirit within,
Slowly cleanse till he is clean...
That a gentle heart he may possess,
And in his Father's arms he may rest...
A mouth that holds the truth and that alone,
That he would know he speaks before Christ's throne...
And so he gives his all again,
To let his Lord make him a new man...

Lord...

I pray again.. For your all to wash over me... May I be your child and that alone... May you control my wild tongue... And myself too oh Lord... May you calm and lead me... That I would be gentle in all my ways... For in these areas t'is too hard for me to change... But by your strength I know that I can... For inside resides an overpowering desire in these areas...

In Christ most precious name I pray....
Amen...

Who am I???

2004-06-28T08:35:00.000-07:00

Who am I?
Naught but a sinner oft unrepentant.
Who am I?
A man who cannot be independant.
Who am I?
A man who sins again and again.
Who am I?
A failure the Law of God condemns.
Who am I?
A man weak in his ability.
Who am I?
That you should die for me?
BUT Who am I?
I AM YOURS!!! From now till forevermore.
But Who am I?
A man who with you will soar.

I Am Yours... I am Yours...

Lord... May I alwayts remember that I am yours... And nothing more... My life dedicated to you forever more... I Love YOU... Let nothing come in between me and you... PLEASE!!!

I LOVE YOU LORD... And I dedicate my life to you...
Amen...

Surrender ALL

2004-06-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

Is there anything in this galaxy that with my Lord shall stand?
Of all things created, by God or by man...
For if truly, if in this world, there be such a thing,
Then my life be so far worthless, for my trust has been placed in Him.
All I have gambled, this world I have forsaken,
And now I live by faith, my heart to my God broken.
For there is nothing which on this world shall count,
When eternity in the end shall come around.
And so from this day forth I shall live for no other,
My life, my ALL given to my Father.
No earthly love, no thing, no beauty here on earth,
Shalt ever again sway me from the realness of His love.
And if there be something that which I hold,
My God, My God, Please wrench it from my soul.

Lord, though at times I may not seem to want to put everything in your hands, hear my cry as i pray that you will do all you can to wrench anything that may even fog my vision of you from my soul. Sometimes I do not know if somethingsa are truly placed into your hands, but Lord, I have faith that these things you will helkp me clear up... My emotion sometimes clogs up my thoughts and how i feel, but Lord, help me always to do your will... And so once again, i pray... Wrench my all from my habds and help me turn everything over to you... Please... I trust in you and you alone... No humna love, no earthly thing ca gain my trust, therefore they are all yours... My money, my all...

Help me please,
In Christ most precious name i pray,
Amen.

In HIS Time

2004-06-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

I stop in anticipation andf beseech my Lord for a gift,
Not knowing what i ask for will create between us a rift.
When the gift is not becoming I shake my head and cry,
Then I hear a voice within me, "(Insert name), Don't you wonder why?
For nothing happens outside the will of God,
Did you not pray before to be washed in the cleansing flood?"
I searched my heart and I searched my soul,
And thereupon I saw in me an all encompassing hole.
And finally I saw what from creation God had seen,
I realised that what I wanted should never have been.
And I thank God for his beauteous plan for me,
And I realised it has been there, even though I could not see.
And All things shall come to pass in the light of his glory and grace,
And so shall I realise on the day I see his face.

Lord it is always so hard to know your will for me... Please Lord, help me know that will of yours... Or at least let me wait in graceful anticipation. Never overstepping your boundaries nor being full of pride. You know that in my heart I desire that ONE thing... But I offer it up to you that you may do as you will... Please... If I get it, PRAISE God, if not, PRAISE God... I sincerely pray that I do get it, but not as I will, but as you will...

Amen...

True Beauty

2004-06-16T10:53:00.000-07:00

T'is a man of no standing, that judges by the face,
For in his heart, character, does not have a place.
T'is a shallow man, who sees beauty in the external,
For his eyes cannot see what truly is eternal.
Yet this world in all its travails,
Let's man of such standing in this world prevail.
To seek the approval in such worthless things,
Has become man's goal, that to this world shall he sing.
But Lord, the God, sees the heart of all,
And we would do well to heed that call.
To a beauty within, so precious, so fine,
That none can take away for it is God's, not mine.
And I trust in such beauty that will shine for all to see,
When I meet my maker and live with him eternally...

LORD!!!... Help me to put less and less stress on the external and see the POTENTIAL beuaty of ALL... For all are made in your image and thus shall it be... May you guide me in my search for an inner beauty that if the world may not see YOU will bless... And that is all I care for... Please help me LORD!!! I truly wish to seek you and you alone... I love you Lord, for your beauty is as such...

Amen...

All My Pain Is His

2004-06-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

I sit and walk alone, a-hampered by my thoughts,
Thoughts of pain and liooneliness, so deep, no healing balm could be bought.
I cry out, 'Oh Father, please take away the pain!'
I hear a still soft whisper '(Insert name), I went through the same!
For is there was no pain in your sacrifice,
Never in my Father's eyes would it suffice.
So trust in Me and bear your cross,
And I will be there when you need me the most.
And may the pain yu feel inside,
Be an everlasting reminder that in you I abide...'

'Though my heart may not desire the pain, Refine me Oh Lord and bring me through your flame...'
Selah Oh Lord of Lords...

Lord... Sometimes the pain in this world seems way more than I can bear.. Please, Help Me... I know that through this pain may I grow in strength and faith and because of this knowledge and trust that I have in you I can last through it all... For my eyes, may they be fixed only upon eternity such that all other things may fade and never rise beyond their importance... Grant me the strength to live through the trials you bring... And may you NEVER stop refining me till the day that I die, no matter the pain... For all I pray is that on that day of glory when all the saints stand before you I shall hear the greatest praise in the world for me... 'Thou art good and faithful servant'... And this world will fade away in importance in the light of your glory and grace... thank you Lord... Thus I pray in the name of your son... Amen...

Prayer...

2004-06-14T01:09:00.000-07:00

PRAYER (Its Purpose)

I stand speechless and naked before my awesome King,
No words have I to say nor songs have I to sing.
My heart stands a burdened by the weight of the world,
When all I needed was to ask His peace unfurl.
For once before had I forsaken this thing called prayer,
Because t’is not what I sought I thought God wasn’t there.
The call to be a slave that would never see the promised land,
Deep down in my heart, I could never understand.
Till one day I realized what would make me whole,
Not changes to what surrounds, but that I bear to God my soul.
With words I know, I shalt never master prayer, this art,
Yet I know the Spirit of Christ reveals to God my heart.
And so this world though it changeth not,
The peace that reigns within is what, I should from the start have sought…

Sometimes we pray to see the world change... And when it does not change before our eyes we grow disheartened... Oh Lord... Grant me the perseverance of the nine genrations of Isrealites in Egypt.. That I may be able to pray for nine genrations for the salvation of the people and stay strong though i may never see the promised land myself...

Give me a heart of Prayer...

First Few Entries of my OLD blog...

2004-06-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

Starting to write again... Moved some of my first few posts over from my old blog...

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
The Morrow

I look upon the morrow of trials yet to come,
Of sufferings yet untold, and of love remaining forlorn.
World weary still I plod upon this narrow path.
Simply just because I fear my God’s wrath.
But the grace of God so strong, so true,
Ensured that not only wrath was shown to you.
For the morrow rests in hands of love so great,
That even the enemy may not intrude, nay, not even in all his hate.

Today's entry is quite short...
Well... My future lies in you oh Lord... I love you Lord and I dedicate everything to you once again!!!
Even though the future looks sooo hazy I can still love you because I know that you know the future...
And in that future I am showered with your love...

posted by S.Mel # 7:58 AM
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
When Thing Fail

I picked up the cross and took a step along the narrow path,
But soon I fell down and the world began to laugh.
I turned in anger and rage towards Jesus, my King,
and asked, " Oh Lord, Why did you let me fall down again?
Is it so hard even when I want to serve you with all my strength?
Why is it to make me fall down you would go to any length?"
And in my despair I forgot all the things that surround,
Then I realised I was being carried by someone wearing a crown.
And the words he said put my heart to shame,
"Did you my child say that you never wanted to be the same?
For if you did not fall down how could I pick you up?
For that is my promise on the day that my blood you supped.
That I will send my spirit and in you it will sanctify,
That I will know your longings by your simple sigh.
So trust in me and believe that there is nothing not in my plan,
And give up your all, live moment to moment, for on me can you depend.

Sometimes, we feel that the entire world has fallen around us... Well I got news for you, it HAS!!!... Its just that none christians and christians with no passion for God seldom feel it... And well wadda you know.. jesus is carrying all those who allow him to... Never think that you alone can cross the void of the earth by yourself.. but draw your strength from God... Just as Jesus labelled the walk "the narrow path"... It is soooo narrow that it is impossible to walk across no matter how good we are, except when Christ aids you...

posted by S.Mel # 6:37 AM
Sunday, March 07, 2004
The Knocking of Jesus

As each day doth pass upon this earthly world, I hear a cry within,
A cry of passion, so primal, strong, how could I but give way to sin?
For emotions in love doth a soulish man make,
All logic, all rationale, do I forsake.
Hope and despair rush rampant through,
The latter, of course, the much stronger of the two.
And in my desolation, I hear a call, a knock…
It is my Lord Jesus recalling his flock.
And I throw not away all my desires of this earth,
But rather I offer them to him who knows their worth.
He wrenches my desires from my sweating, clutching hands,
Because he is Jesus and therefore he understands.
Empty then am I, as I wail for what’s in store…
And for a 2nd time, I hear that miraculous knocking on my heart’s door.
Despair to loneliness then to joy one round,
I thank you my Jesus for in you my Joy abounds.

I thank you Lord... That you died for me... And I thank you Lord that no matter how far I stray you are there knocking on my heart's door... I open my heart now and let the floodgates of your love rush into my soul... Thank you Lord... I can do naught but meditate upon this love that you have given me... I shall never be able to pay you back... My life is yours forever...

I love YOU LORD!!!!

posted by S.Mel # 8:13 AM
Friday, March 05, 2004
True Love

I thought I knew true love when I was a child,
The love a mother brought me no matter that I was wild.
I thought I knew true love when I was a youth,
Love of infatuation that did not hold any truth.
I thought I knew true love when I entered the army,
A love as shallow as before but blind I could not see.
I thought I knew true love when I grew into an adult,
But once again I was cheated and in my heart was left a tumult.
And I pondered upon the question “Was true love out there to find?”
Now I look back in shame and wonder how I could be so blind.
For love had carried me through, through all the stages of my life,
Form child to present, it had seen me through my strife.
It came not from woman in whom I had searched in vain,
But it came from My Father, a love that covered my pain.
For even that I may stand testifies of its glory,
And through every stage in my life, may the world and I see its story.
And now I revel in this love so great so pure,
And I know that from the “love” I once sought, this love is the cure!

This is for all the people who have sought love in the world... those who feel they badly need the love of others... And a need for a wife/husband... Well... Jesus is all the love you need... No one else... Love GOD... and nothing else...
For all the people who are desperately looking for a partner... look upwards and there you will see all the love that you need... For the love of this earth is only a signpost that points us to the greater love of God... For no love on earth is capable of quenching our thirst... only the love of God....

posted by S.Mel # 10:07 PM

posted by S.Mel # 10:06 PM
... Well... Wadda you know?... A new blog...
Well gonna use decided painful poetry to muse about things in the perspective of God...

JOY

I have sought joy from the beginning when I was just born,
I made it my life commitment to make its wonders shown.
I let the world lead me in what was to be a fruitless search,
And when I reached what I though was joy, it left me in the lurch.
For in my desire I had turned blind,
Joy in little things I could not find.
And then my Lord opened my heart's eye,
That joy be with me till I die.

Oh joy, oh Lord for the sounds that pervade my ear,
That I may hear nature ring and to my eyes bring a tear.
Oh joy for tears that the pain ion me brings,
For you use that to mould me and for that I will sing.
Oh joy to the heavens for unfulfilled love,
Its a reminder that only you can fill me and that you shall I serve.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for my body broken and weak,
It makes me remember that for you must I seek.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for disappointments on earth,
For it just magnifies how much you are worth.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for betrayals of trust,
So that for this world, may I not lust.
Oh joy, oh Lord, for people better than I,
It reminds me that I am weak and for me you had to die...

Thank You Lord...

Wrote this poem in reflection that we should not only thank Lord for the small things in life... But also EVERY thing... Inclusive of what the world has deemed as unpleasant...

posted by S.Mel # 2:18 AM